Ear Wax

So, I'll spill a little secret about myself. I'm obsessive. Not like crazy obsessive, like I have to wash my hands 23 times with lime verbena soap and do 11 circles to the left before I can leave the house (not that there's anything wrong with that, my motto is *don't judge me, I won't judge you*). No, I think about stuff. Then I think about it again. Then I rethink it. Rethink it again. Make my decision. Rethink my decision... You get the idea.

I've been going through this spiral with my decisions about school. You can see this in my last post. I'm still obsessing about it. It has actually begun to make my stomach hurt and wake me at night.

I know there are bigger issues out there, I really do, but I tend to focus mostly on my little world, and this effects my little world.

Leading up to my *sob* 30th birthday a little over a week ago I obsessed about the thought that I would be *sob* 30 with no known career path. I renewed my car insurance a few months ago and when I was asked my occupation I said student. The girl just looked at me like I was kidding. Student.

After obsessing over this *to be a nurse or not to be a nurse* thing I've decided to do a pros and cons list. I mentioned this yesterday. My pros have maintained a steady 3, my cons grow and grow and...

Well, here's what I have so far:

PROS:

• the pay is very competitive and will be good for supporting my family
• I can pick a shift that will work the best for me and my family
• I would have really awesome stories to tell at parties

CONS

• Foley catheters and having to look at/touch scary private junk
• anything that has to do with the word *rectal*
• people who let their kids consume flaming hot Cheetos and big red soda while they wait in the ER to be seen for vomiting
• ear wax - i just have a major problem with ear wax and I always seem to get those patients that have impacted ear wax and they think that they are going, or have gone, deaf
• uncontrollable diarrhea on an immobile patient
• I should just add wiping butts in general
• I do not look cute in scrubs, I honestly just look like I didn't even try to look nice even when I do
• I can't wear acrylic nails, I don't wear acrylic nails, I just want the option
• if I screw up I could possibly kill someone and I just don't want to have to deal with that
• I like to wear smelly lotions and I won't be able to at work
• NG tubes
• OG tubes
• gastric lavage
• wounds that smell
• wounds with puss
• wounds with maggots, I am neither kidding nor making this up, I've seen it and it's not pretty
• basically all wounds, if it's not fresh I don't want any part in it
• people who have phlegm in their throat and want the whole floor to know about it by making that gurgle, cough, hack noise that makes me gag
• nurses with the *God complex*
• doctors with the *God complex*
• patients with the *God complex*
• people that stick things in their bodies and claim that they don't know how *that got there*
• having to pretend that I care even when I don't

There you go. Now you can also tell the little selfish things that I just don't want to give up.

That's really all I have to say. I don't have any smooth ending or a moral of the story. It's just as it is. And as one of my favorite British sitcom characters puts it, *At the end of the day... You know what I mean.*